Hello! Nice to meet you. My name’s Trin.
Last night, I received a large (30+? I’d call that large) number of anonymous messages that I can only assume were a response to this post.
97% of those messages were barely literate insults. “Your a cunt” “Shut up dum butch dyke” “No one would even want to rape you”
Etc etc etc bla bla bla blaaaaa…nothing I haven’t heard before.
But this morning, your message struck me. Because you’re completely right! “At no point will the book instruct a man to force a woman into intercourse if she protests.”
Accurate! You’re completely right.
You see, we have wronged young men and boys. Yes, we’ve taught you that there is Rape. Knocking a girl over and forcing vaginal sex on her is Rape, and Rape is wrong. And that’s true! And it’s a very easy thing to learn!
But we haven’t made very clear that there are so many other things that are very, very wrong to do to a fellow human being.
No one has told you that cornering a woman until she shouts at you to get away from her is wrong. No one has told you that taking a woman’s hand and putting it on your cock because you have asserted yourself as dominant and you can thus assume she wants it is wrong. No one has told you that “the greatest lovers/seducers” in literature and film are wrong – you should never touch a person without their permission. You should never pick a stranger up and put her on your lap. You should never insult a person in hopes of wearing down her confidence until she is so shamed that she finally agrees to fuck you. All of these things are wrong, some are assault, and you should never, ever do them if you want to be a good person.
But they’re not Rape! So yes. You’re right, and it’s society’s fault. We’ve given you such an incomplete lesson in being a good man.
Sadly, we’ve also wronged young girls and women. We have told them to play nice. Don’t make a fuss. Don’t make a scene. That forceful NO you’re looking for? That NO that this book teaches you to continue until you receive, to back a woman in a corner until she shouts NO in your face, hits you, calls for help? She’s taught to never do that. She’s taught to be mindful of your feelings. To make sure everyone’s happy. We teach young girls to be nice, and we teach young boys to do whatever they like until a woman acts like a bitch. And even then, she’s just a bitch, so why stop there?
So you are looking for the NO that women have been trained to never, ever give. You are looking for the NO that makes us bitches. Cunts.
This book teaches you to harass and assault women. And society has taught you that this is fine. Because it isn’t Rape.
I am so, so sorry that we’ve done this to you.
Real talk: I would LOVE 16K to put absolutely no work or research into a book and still get a crapload of money for it, as is clearly the case with Above the Game. So in that way, sure I’m kinda jealous I guess? But listen, this book is beyond problematic - it’s explicitly harmful. It speaks directly to young men who have been taught that they aren’t real men until they’ve claimed the women that they’ve been entitled to since birth. It is teaching you more horribly wrong information, and it will teach you to be a bad person, if you let it.
Please do me a favor. When you read your copy of the book – as I can only assume you’ve ordered one – every time you get to a new chapter, every time you flip the page, every time you start a new sentence, remind yourself that touching people without asking is wrong. Forcing people to touch you is wrong.
Please, treat women like human beings. Be good to human beings. You can do this. You can do so much better than this book.